:) suddenly have an urge to fly overseas, somewhere out there where i can shop and EAT and Shop and EAT!! i long for a place where having money or no money at all is no longer a problem, where diseases cease to grip man and overwhelm man with great fear and dread of death, where there won't be lies, tears and sorrows, where we can sing all day and night without feeling the need to drink water or rest. haha. wad random tots. yup i noe, super long since i last blogged. to think that i even recorded as a draft on my hp the things i want to blog about after my exams and yet i procrastinated to start on only 1 month later. basically i wanted to blog on my bdae: sphaggetis at paragon with my BRAders, party world at international building with Peijin and Esther, Astons at the Cathay, where i won't forget the 3 babes wanted to go loo together and when i jokingly say i wanna tag along too, their faces changed and peijin said, 'huh, dun want lah, aiyah u already noe wad's gonna happen and u still like tat' + later on i was just declaring wad's a bdae celebration without a bdae cake and all of them rebutted in one way or another but ended up i still got to eat oreo cheesecake that becomes a total disaster after touching the knife, yello jello at clarke quay where i got sabo-ed to go on stage by my frens [Ben, Haoyang, peijin, esther, enyun, pam, pam's bf and janice?] and until now i felt sad to even recall that i have only received one bdae gift so far which is given by peijin. some promised to give me soon but none to be seen. now that 2 months have passed, who am i to sae anything? can i ask for it? yucks. oh well.
intended to also blog on the topic 'everyone wants to be accepted, everyone wants to be loved' and my 2 birthdae wishes, and plans for hols and stuff. sigh. hols are boring me out.still looking for jobs and holding up high expectations of the 1st job. yet on one hand, i won't want to start work soon. but i noe i can't slack like nobody's biz. family say take ur time to find but i just wan to quickly settle my debts. yucks. but i just can't see myself settling for a temp job that only offers 6 bucks per hour. that's literally inhuman. yucks.
came across my cousin's facebook quote '90% of the frictions in life is caused by the WRONG tone of voice' how true that is. you see, my family is rather sensitive. i was brought up in an environment where u better mind your manners and your tone when you speak, esp towards my dad. he's very particular in this. if you raised your voice at a level slightly louder than normal to prove your point, he'll think you have an attitude problem, unless of coz he's in a 'i can take your jokes now' mood. and i guess there's why i expect the same from the ppl around me. i'm very sensitive to the choice of words and tone used when messages are brought across. and more so when ppl closer to me communicate with me. i tend to be easily agitated and can't really take in the lameness which my frens may try to label it as 'i am just kidding, come on dun take it so seriously!' when i deemed inappropriate. a pretty hard to please lady huh? talking about lady likeness, i may not have it all. i guess i'm rather impatient and not as forgiving as i ought to be. to be honest, being ladylike is never something to be grasped. i do not noe wad it means to be like a lady. i just noe i have my set of thinking and principles. even till now, i have no idea what it's like. and i dun see the point of changing myself to suit others. i am NOT ladylike and i DO NOT wish to act like i want to please anyone. most imptly, i dun wan to lie to myself. i guess asking me to be more ladylike is a miscommunication itself. it has too many meanings and must be explained b4 i can ponder over whether that makes sense. other than that, no.
i have come to this conclusion that i want to stand by my thinking of not having kids, tho i dread the dae when my mind is changed for wadever reasons. but if it's God's will that this mindset should be discarded completely, who am i to challenge Him? i'm quite sure that if anyone (except God) continue to persuade me to think otherwise, i'll be much more stubborn than ever. i mean seriously, wad's the main motive behind having kids? my mum will sae,' oh, it's part of life's journey and you should go thru it to become more mature... they will look after you when u are old... they can provide you money..' please. wad rubbish. all these reasons definitely have a part to play in developing and standing firmer on my stand. now that this is the path i want to take, i must also consider that not all guys would advocate my stand. and so.. the risk of ultimately not getting married is so much higher. but who's to be blamed? me lor. but i dun really mind. it's also a test of whether that guy really loves me with NO conditions attached. hard to come by, ain't it? God's will be done. but all in all, i'm super firm bout it. i can find more cons than pros of having kids, having witnessed what my sisters have gone thru. if you are thinking that i am just scared of getting fat or going thru surgery, you r so wrong. it's easy to get pregnant, it's considered easy to give birth but wad comes after that is a nightmare. not tryin to change anybody's mind of having kids and setting up a happy family, just trying to prove my point. stubborn, ain't i? wadeva. ciao.
Labels: kids., miscom, random tots
